


Remember The Butterflies?

by IsThisAPigeon



Category: Free!
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Fluff, It's kinda sad, M/M, Memory Loss, Please be gentle, but not all the way through, i dont even know how to tag this, it's my first fic im uploading and im kinda nervous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 00:55:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3550082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsThisAPigeon/pseuds/IsThisAPigeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a car crash Rei suffers memory loss and doesn't remember anything about Nagisa. </p><p>Nagisa tries everything to make Rei remember - remember him, remember them.<br/>As Rei's memories slowly come back, Nagisa realizes he won't be able to hide the truth about the accident any longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I'm publishing  
> please be gentle.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei slowly turns his head to meet Nagisa. There’s a brief moment of silence between them, while Rei’s facial features turn to a frown. “I’m- I’m sorry. Who are you?”

Nagisa hates hospitals.  
  
They make him feel just as sick as the patients all around him. The artificial, white lights, the chemical stench of cleaning products and disinfectants. The knowledge somebody in the next room might be dying this instant.  
  
It’s worse, of course, if he knows the person in the next room.  
  
He reaches the hospital room at exactly 4:33 AM. He would have gotten there earlier if it hadn’t been for the doctors and nurses pestering him one floor lower about a minor head injury he’d gotten from the splintering glass of the windshield. It’s a miracle he didn’t have any serious injuries.  
  
“You sure got lucky, boy,” the doctor said while scribbling something down onto a notepad. A nurse patched up the spot above his right eyebrow.  
  
Sure he got lucky. He always gets lucky.  
  
Nagisa glances through the Plexiglas window in the door. What he sees makes his heart ache. He swore himself not to cry. Not yet. Now is not the time for crying. He bites his lip to keep it down.  
  
Rei’s mother who’d been sitting by the bed looks up and immediately rushes to the door as she spots Nagisa lurking inside.  
  
“How is he doing?” Nagisa asks hurriedly.  
  
Ryugazaki-san steps out on the corridor and calmly closes the door behind her. She tiredly looks down on Nagisa with a sigh. She must’ve been up for hours; working the evening shift at the hospital and only two hours after getting out of work having to come back because her son had an accident. It must be especially complicated for doctors to visit the hospital on a personal duty rather than work. Nagisa doesn’t even want to imagine how she must be feeling right now.  
  
“He’s gonna be okay, right?”  
  
Ryugazaki-san nods. “Yes, I’m sure. He’s suffered some internal damage, nothing dramatic, and several head wounds.” She stops and looks through the door’s window into her son’s room. With a little smile on her lips she returns to Nagisa. “They say he should wake up soon.”  
  
Nagisa literally feels a rock heavy weight being lifted from his chest as he hears this. All his anxiety and guilt fall from his shoulders – and are replaced by bliss. And excitement. He wants to see Rei again, now, right now. He can’t wait for the moment Rei wakes up and they can look into each other’s eyes again like they did before, and Nagisa finally gets to tell him what he had been meaning to say just before their car spiraled out of control and hit a tree.  
  
“But there is one thing,” Ryugazaki-san says suddenly and the tone of her voice and that barely recognizable frown of her forehead make all of Nagisa’s anxieties come right back barging in while his nerves throw confetti and hold up a ‘Welcome Home’ banner.  
  
Her eyes that resemble Rei’s so horribly much meet Nagisa’s. “Listen, there is a very small possibility after having suffered through specific head traumata Rei might experience a bit of amnesia.”  
  
Amnesia. Great. Fucking euphoric. Nagisa’s anxieties are now raving to Dubstep music and kicking his intestines.  
  
“It’ll probably only be temporary,” Ryugazaki-san reassures him, but Nagisa has already stopped listening.  
  
“Can I see him?” He lowers his head as well as his voice, feeling rather than worry only sadness and the crippling fear of Rei waking up and having forgotten about Nagisa. Forgotten about them.  
  
“Sure.”  
  
Nagisa reluctantly enters the hospital room. Rei is lying motionless on the bed, a thick bandage around his head, a few strands of indigo hair falling messily across his forehead. He is attached to several beeping machines. Another thing Nagisa can’t stand about hospitals: the constant, rhythmical beeping that pounds in his head like a migraine he can’t shake.  
  
Every step towards the bed is torture. Nagisa doesn’t want to get closer, doesn’t want to face what he did, but he knows he has to. He takes a deep breath and stops in front of the bed.  
  
“Hey, Rei-chan.” His voice is hoarse, his gut is twisting. He mentally reminds himself not to cry. No, not yet. “Mind if I take a seat?”  
  
He waits for a reply, but staring down on Rei’s pale face he knows he won’t get any. Slowly he pulls up a chair to the bed and sits down.  
  
For a while he just sits there, enduring the mechanical beeping noises and gazing at Rei. No matter the bruises and cuts the shattering glass has left, his facial profile is as beautiful as ever. Perfectly straight nose, cheekbones sharper than a knife’s blade, those beautifully curved lips Nagisa could spend ages simply staring at. Innumerable silky, black lashes against ivory colored skin. Everything about him is flawless. But there is something missing … Nagisa pulls something from his pocket. He’d found it by the car wreck, just after he called 911. Sure it was completely shattered and not doing what it’s supposed to do anymore, but Nagisa feels without it Rei looks utterly naked. Carefully he places Rei’s red glasses on the bridge of his nose. He smiles at the familiar image. His hand brushes Rei’s cheek lightly as he’s adjusting the glasses. His skin is as cold as a dead man’s. Nagisa catches his breath at the sensations. He shakes his head and takes the glasses off again. Exhausted he lets himself fall back into the chair, holding onto those stupid broken glasses.  
  
As the first sunbeams lurk through the window and light up Rei’s face, Nagisa hasn’t moved an inch away from his spot next to the bed. He’s been awake far longer than he’s used to, but whenever he feels his eyelids falling he reminds himself that he wants to be there when Rei opens his again. He wants to be the first to look at him. He knows it’s selfish – there’s more people in the world that care about Rei than just him. That reminds him, he should probably text Haru and the others and tell them what happened.  
  
“Nagisa, go home, dear,” Ryugazaki-san says as she appears in the door frame, holding a cup of coffee. “Get some rest. You can come back later today.”  
  
But Nagisa only shakes his head. He couldn’t forgive himself if he’s not there for Rei when he wakes up. After all, he’s the one who caused the accident in the first place.  
  
What if Rei doesn’t even want to see him? What if Rei is mad at him? Any normal person would be mad about ending up in a hospital bed with severe head traumata. Oh God, Nagisa doesn’t even want to imagine that possibility. He couldn’t handle Rei being mad at him. He didn’t mean for any of this to happen.  
  
Don’t cry, he reminds himself.  
  
Suddenly there’s a noise coming from Rei. A light scratching deep in his throat, his eyebrows are furrowing. He’s slowly waking up.  
  
Ryugazaki-san rushes to the other side of the bed, leaning over her son. Her calm, collective exterior is shaken and the tiredness from her eyes is gone. She’s just as tensed as Nagisa. She whispers his name.  
  
Nagisa can’t even breathe.  
  
Finally Rei opens his eyes. He coughs a little, seems disorientated for a while before his eyes meet his mother’s face. “M-mom?” His voice is shaky and rough. “W-what’s goin’ on?”  
  
Nagisa exhales sharply. Rei seems to be fine. No amnesia.  
  
“You’ve had an accident, darling,” Ryugazaki-san explains while gently tucking a strand of her behind her son’s ear. “You’ll be alright. Do you remember it? The accident?”  
  
“Accident?” Rei shakes his head slowly. “I don’t … I –“  
  
“Don’t worry, it’s not uncommon to suppress certain traumatic memories.”  
  
“You’ll be fine, Rei-chan,” Nagisa says happily. Honestly he’s not that surprised Rei won’t remember the accident, and quite frankly he’s kind of glad about it, as well. This way he might won’t remember who was responsible for it.  
  
Rei slowly turns his head to meet Nagisa. There’s a brief moment of silence between them, while Rei’s facial features turn to a frown. “I’m- I’m sorry. Who are you?”  
  
Nagisa’s anxieties are back – stronger than ever – and this time they punch him in the face. Right. In. His. Fucking. Face.  
  
He looks up to Rei’s mother who seems just as confused about this as he does. He swallows hard before being able to force words out of his mouth. “You … don’t remember me?”  
  
Rei shakes his head. “No, I’ve never seen you before.”  
  
“Hah, stop kidding around, Rei-chan,” Nagisa whimpers. “You … you honestly have no idea who I am?”  
  
Rei shakes his head slightly.  
  
And that’s it. That’s the moment Nagisa was waiting for. The right moment to finally cry. And he does. Once the realization of Rei truly having forgotten about him sinks in, he stumbles a few steps backwards, holding onto whatever surface he can find, before he manages to make his way out of the hospital room, almost collapsing with a nurse carrying blood samples. He looks back at Rei several times but every time the same blank, unknowing, unrecognizing face meets him again.  
  
The tears are streaming right down his face, blurring the corridor in front of him. He has no idea where he’s going, he doesn’t care at all. He just wants to go home, and sleep. Sleep until all of this nightmare is over, until Rei recognizes his face again. Sleep forever basically.  
  
The elevator is too cramped and too slow, so Nagisa heads for the emergency staircases. It’s cold and lonesome there, but that’s exactly the kind of place he wants to be right now. He stumbles down a few steps before his body collapses on the ground. Sitting there on the cold ground, hugging his knees to his chest, weeping, sobbing, doing literally everything but trying to calm down – he doesn’t want to be calm right now – a thought flashes across his mind.  
  
Am I nothing more than a traumatic memory?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She told me we’re friends,” he answers casually. “That’s right, isn’t it?”
> 
> Nagisa smiles bitterly because oh my God, they were so much more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok second chapter here we go!  
> hope you guys like it :))  
> excuse the messy writing in this one, i hate writing so much dialouge ugh ._.

The next day is a Sunday. Nagisa spent the majority of Saturday locked in his room, draped in bed sheets and sadness. Even though he barely slept he wasn’t able to leave his bed, wasn’t willing to in the first place. He couldn’t even keep his food down. But somewhere in the midst of despair and guilt, locked up in a dark, gloomy room, he realized he had to stop being so selfish. Rei needed his help, no matter if he remembered him or not, and Nagisa was going to put his own damn feelings second. At this time, there was no time for heartbreak.

In the late morning of Sunday, Nagisa finally drags himself out of his bed. Takes a shower, forces down some dry toast and orange juice and heads for the hospital.  
Every step towards Rei’s room causes Nagisa’s heart to ache. He has no idea how to act around him anymore, what he should or shouldn’t say. Normally Nagisa never spent a single thought about stuff like that, now his behavior seems to be the only thing he can focus on.

At the end of the corridor Rei’s door is cracked open. Nagisa knocks reluctantly and steps inside with a faint “Hi” on his lips.

Rei is sitting upright on the bed with a book in his lap. He’s wearing that stupid violet butterfly pyjama which basically throws tiny daggers right at Nagisa. There’s still a bandage around his head, but at least no machines surround him anymore. Somebody sent a flower bouquet that sits on the bedside table. Probably Makoto.

“Oh, hey,” Rei says. “I remember you.”

Nagisa beams. “What, you do?”

“Yeah, you were here yesterday.”

“Oh.”

Rei smiles gently but he has no idea what that’s doing to Nagisa.

“Want to take a seat?” he asks, pointing to the armchair by the bed. “I’m sorry about yesterday, by the way,” he adds as Nagisa sits down.

“Why are you sorry?”

Rei shrugs, fumbling nervously with the pages of his book. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s not your fault your brain decided to delete me.”

“You’re not deleted, you’re just … suppressed, as my mother likes to phrase it.” Rei looks up again to meet Nagisa’s eyes, but there’s nothing of the familiar fondness in them. He’s just looking at another stranger.

“You know,” Rei continues, “after you left yesterday, I had a pretty hard time believing my mind could have deliberately eradicated pieces of my memory. I always thought my brain was too skilled for that. I was shocked, but I wanted to know who you were.”

Nagisa’s lips curl into a tiny smile at that last sentence. For some reason it means so much to him that Rei didn’t just accept the way things were.

“So, I asked my mother about you,” Rei goes on. “At least I know your name now … Nagisa-kun.”

There’s a brief moment Nagisa feels the urge to flee out of the hospital and cry himself to sleep again.

“Did she tell you anything else?” he asks.

“She told me we’re friends,” he answers casually. “That’s right, isn’t it?”

Nagisa smiles bitterly because oh my God, they were so much more. “Yeah, we’re friends.”

A knock on the door frame interrupts them and Rei’s mom enters with a kind smile on her face directed towards Nagisa.

“Good to see you here, Nagisa,” she tells him. “There’s somebody here who’d like to speak with you both.”

She nods towards the door through which an irrationally tall, very threatening looking police officer walks. The brief smile he gives doesn’t make his appearance any less intimidating.

“Morning,” he says. “I’m from the Iwatobi Police Department. I just have a few simple questions for you regarding the car accident. Don’t worry, just some mandatory insurance work.”

Nagisa can feel his throat tightening. Stay calm, he tells himself, you didn’t do anything wrong.

That is his first lie that day.

“I’m sorry for saying this, officer,” Rei says, “but I’m pretty clueless about the accident at the moment.”

“Yes, I was made aware of your situation. Amnesia, is it?”

Rei nods.

The officers turns to Nagisa. “But you will be able to tell me about the circumstances of the crash, right?”

“Sure,” Nagisa replies. “What do you need to know?”

“Just tell me what happened that night.”

Nagisa’s heart starts beating so fast he fears it’ll jump out of his chest and he needs to be checked one floor lower into the cardiology department. Why is it so scary to talk to the police when you’ve got nothing to hide?

Well, you don’t have anything to hide, or do you?

“We were on our way back home from a friend’s birthday party,” he starts explaining. “The weather conditions weren’t excellent, I guess –”

That is his second lie.

“–and at some point the car started to spiral completely out of control and we … we hit that tree. The next thing I remember is waking up and calling an ambulance.”  
“Alright,” the officer says, scribbling something into a notebook. “And which of you was driving?”

Nagisa glances over at Rei. He wants to make sure he really doesn’t remember anything, so he gives him a bit of time for a possible answer, but Rei stays quiet.

“Rei was,” Nagisa answers. Third lie.

“You said you came from a party. Were any of you intoxicated?”

“Uh …” Nagisa gulps. He honestly doesn’t remember. The entire night seems to have become a complete blur.

“Tell the truth, Nagisa,” Ryugazaki-san warns him.

“I guess so, yeah,” he admits. “But Rei was fine, really! He’s responsible. He wouldn’t have driven if he didn’t think it was safe.”

“I believe you, don’t worry,” the officer answers calmly. “Now I understand you might still be in shock, but if you remember any more details about the accident, please let us know. This would be all for now. Good day.” He turns on his heel and leaves. Nagisa holds his breath till he is convinced he won’t turn back.

“Thanks for being honest,” Ryugazaki-san says, smiling lightly.

Nagisa can only bring himself to a crooked smile which he hopes doesn’t look too forced. As he looks at Rei, he sees him smiling at him as well. Can these people stop smiling, please? There is nothing to be happy about. Nagisa just flat-out lied to a police officer. POLICE OFFICER. He’s going to jail for that, he’s sure. He doesn’t even exactly know why he lied … it was a reflex, a survival mechanism. Something in his gut told him that there was only one person in that hospital room who deserved to know the truth about that night. But now Nagisa wonders whether Rei should even know about it at all. Maybe it’s better this way … maybe it should stay hidden. Maybe it was the universe who wanted Rei to forget, so that Nagisa could never get the chance to hurt him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapters might get a bit shorter from now on so that im able to update more regulary. 
> 
> Leave me some feedback on your way out, ok? :))  
> or shoot me a message on tumblr hangeandheichou.tumblr.com (shameless self-promoting)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like it so far  
> Would be awesome if you'd subscribe to my account to receive even more angsty homoerotic content  
> Leave me some feedback in the comments, or shoot me a message on my tumblr hangeandheichou.tumblr.com.


End file.
